Writing is sometimes indeed a difficult job....more so when one feels the urge to write but is unable to fetch the exact words to convey....precisely that is what I am facing these days....
More problem rises when I barely have any topic to write about...after all who would like to write a page of gibberish?...but then not writing make me all the more dull.
One syndrome I'm finding, gradually enveloping me, is...I'm getting bored, getting complete psycho....pondering too much over some matter that manages to creep into my head....and at the end getting completely frustrated and yearn for a sound sleep. But even that would not come even without a heavy dose of a dream centering that horrifying, terrifying object that I want to avoid.
Why?....mmmmmm...thought and thought
Tension?
about jobs....what am I gonna do in my future?.....an age of MBAs, engineering, doctors....I'm just a plain MA in a literature subject...who's gonna offer me a job?....my dad will retire and my honorable sasurji (would-be) is hell bent to make my life a living piece of that dog-shit called hell if I fail to land up a respectable job by the end of this year.....hey bhagwan...main kya karu yaar?
Well...if not that....then some very personal things may be the reason I remain down....it often happens...rather it has become almost a staple of my life that what I expect, I plan beforehand is jeopardized....reality invariably takes the opposite turn. Had a very common yet somewhat unbearable brush with the brutality of my fate, collapse of a friendship that I endeared so much....I loved so much.....I cherished so much....But as all ends, it has ended too....perhaps it was to end...but then there remains some incidents, good or bad, that leaves some indelible marks on your mind.Having said so, its over...and it has been quite a long time since that...and I think I have been able to overcome that....then?
well perhaps I'm stressing myself too much....see i tried to find out the root of my tension and take a break....instead I'm giving myself a bit pressure more...lolzzz.....said no?...reality takes the about turn?
need a break....seriously....I'm fed up with this confused meaningless, out of focus existence....I'm gonna have a sleep...good night...
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