Ghore ferar pothe ...

The Sea ... tranquility and a discovery

Dynamics change drastically in a relationship. What was yesterday something like one unfathomably deep friendship, today stands as a mere shadow of that past! The question is not who is to blame! Of course its the time which unveils one by one the innate manoevours  of the human psyche and that leads to the (un)glorious present. One tiny channel may sometime shoot itself up and that entails the trouble. Its not that i no longer enjoy the company. Not that i dislike them, i rather love them still. The problems are those tiny ugly patches where i am either a misfit or isolated. A joke sometimes fails to establish itself as so. Sometimes overuse deems that as truth and all involved start behaving accordingly. If it is always about me being in the unwanted spot of some friendship it definitely hurts. I was and still AM a very integral part of the group endeavours, just that i am no longer a part of the process. I am needed still to live up to the notion of friendship. I am no longer necessary to live through it. I am the necessary OTHER that defines the mainstream, that enables the upper skin to glow as united entity. But underneath we all feel the rift, dont we?? The joke has done us apart and it seems too huge to be bridged!

I hardly felt in place in the trip. I don't know why or what but something just hold me back the entire time and i hardly enjoyed myself. I could never participate!

The Return of the Non-Native

Life changes so fast … last January was all about excitement, anticipation, anxiety … an unseen future, an unknown country … the dawn of the new year broke with a new hope, a new vigour albeit stained with the little pain of leaving home. But the unforeseen prospect, the enchantment of a dream like realm named Singapore enveloped the mind … then came the “going away” time and I left my home, city, country to embrace the new and to be true Singapore overwhelmed me with love and acceptance.

Then suddenly came the returning home time in June and for the first time I understood how I missed my city and cared for it in the midst of thousands of complaints against the traffic, pollution etc etc. I ‘returned’ to Kolkata for a month long vacation, “the return of the native” … I enjoyed … then ‘returned back’ to Singapore …till the December came with the thrill of Indian winter … It was ‘Going” home time!

Today after shivering through my joyous days in Kolkata winter … I am ‘returning’ back to Singapore … and then it struck me…

Now I no longer “return home” … I “go there” to “return back” to Singapore …or do I return to both?