Lend a Healing Touch

Situations often becomes killing. These days I am going through the extremely disgusting phase....nothing seems alright....nothing falling in to place. Not that I am suffering...but somehow am not feeling good.....remaining disturbed
How long can a thing stretch as to make a hell out of living? I simply eradicated everything out of my space and was well contended in my own way. I yearned....for a revival...for some what a re connection to take place...and when that has happened I have lost peace completely again
Enough of it.
I never wanted to be anywhere between anyone. Never I aspired to be there anywhere around them. Never....I swear. I know what I did.....How happy I was to think that a streak of light has come and all will be same. But after today's meeting...I am completely disgruntled. I never wanted this to happen....they are best of friends.....when things seem to get okay with me, they cannot part.......this is utter injustice.
I know what his obligations were....I know what they meant to each other.....how ever they may deny, but even from the far far distance I could sense the warmth and vivacity of their friendship....and I was happy....never really I wanted to come in between

Dont know whether I have tresspassed....but what I heard......I am sorry.....if all could get on a revival mode for me...then please God.....stop the bickering... I love both...both are close to me...and I dont want them to go through the pain....

Bohomaan

Hiseb melena
Chawa pawar jotil dhaNdha
Kokhon je chole jay,
Nijer khomotar gonditake periye---
Pore thake sei chawa gulo
Chaite thaka muhurto gulo
Ghumonto bhablesh heen moner modhye
Swopner alpona
Aleek---
Budbud_er praasaad

Paak, durbipaak, ghurnipaak
Saai saai chhute chole jibon
Aar kokhono kokhono morer mathay
Bhese othe ojana chena chena mukh...
Odekha
Tobu jeno sohosro kaal periye
Kono ek maya sutoy badha ghuri

Swopno dekhe mon
Aar tar por jontrona
Suto chhire ghurte thaka
Golok dhaNdhar yatra

Hiseb melena
Chawa pawar jotil dhaNdha......

Was That A Dream ??? ...

Yesterday was not really a worth mentioning one...of course leaving the incident of my losing a loving sir.....But then there was a tremor that shook me completely.....Never I felt so dazed as yesterday night. I don't know what was that...a dream?....a dream coming true?....another step for another failure?...... Am I thinking too much?...reading too much into an otherwise simple fact?....but was that simple?...can it be?...it was after exact 4 months....and at a time when I had driven myself out of the clutches of some painfully pleasurable memories......I made myself strong enough to let that incident forgo....but all of a sudden everything is just jeopardized.

I feel it too boring to elaborate the incident.....it was shocking, leaving me utter shattered with the sudden break of a friendship. How I waited.....the phone will ring, an sms will atleast enter my tiny cell phone.....some miracle would happen.....there was a situation when I had to face that person and only I know how thousands of butterflies flew in my stomach.....but Nothing happened really...
Days went away.....I got more and more busy in my day-to-day schedule....and I almost gave the habit of hoping that one day things will be as before.....

And how miraculously.......while I was wondering just the other day that how time really heals each and every wound.....I don't know...but my friend called me !!!!!

We talked as if there had been no tussle....this span of painful distancing was completely obliterated....I could not but wonder and wonder....how easy it was to chat...to communicate!!!!

How easy it is to believe that a huge barrier exists.....how difficult it is to take the first step....but if taken it is even more easier to to believe that there had never been any wall at all....
hope this time all remains fine...though I'm not sure whether I'm reading too much into this....
God knows

Our Rector Sir is No More ... May His Soul Rest In Peace

We lost our Rector sir. The man behind the huge success of one of the best known schools of Kolkata. The man who built Nava Nalanda High school so that one day people like us can bask in the glory of being once associated with the name of this school. We are proud Nava-Nalandans....thank you sir for letting us this pleasure.
But the sad news came today morning....Mr. Arya Mitra left for heavenly abode. He was suffering from throat cancer for a long time...but was quite active. Infact he took his classes on Friday even. Today early morning he suffered a massive heart attack...that proved fatal. The moment I got the news, the whole canvas of my school days laid bare infront of my eyes. Associated with that, the always beaming face of our beloved rector sir. Sir we will miss you. Nava Nalanda will miss you. A huge procession of teachers, stuffs, students, and ex students took his body to the crematorium ground where his last rites were performed. He has left behind his wife , our beloved rector aunty, his son and daughter. And of course the name Nava Nalanda.....the institution and all who are glorified in the name of the same.
I remember those days...during school I participated in almost every cultural activities. He would be present through the whole rehearsal days, watching and guiding us. His ailing health never hindered him to be a part of every minute activities of the school. He is the Founder father of the school but never he made anyone feel this....so amiable he was. Even I remember him tying the knot of the shoe of a tiny student of nursery classes. He was so friendly, so approachable. Never we felt any sense of air in him........
He had a vision and he started the school. 42 years have strolled down the Southern Avenue...he has seen his Nava Nalanda grow into a huge success, a school whom Mother Teresa once fondly said..."a small school with a huge heart".....the love that he got from the students, the recognition that NN got during his time, the success stories that the institution scripted....all became possible due to this visionary man. Its an irreparable loss for every one.
He was a scholar in history, with his notes, lectures how easily he would make the mysterious history come alive in front of our eyes.....it was he and his inspiration that would ever guide us, who are blessed to be once a student of this great personality strive through any ups and downs of the life. Days will pass sir....we will remember you...in every success that we would rejoice, in every failure that we will try to overcome.....you taught us how to see a life, how to love a person. how to aspire and toil for success, how to respect, how to grow up as a good human being....sir you gave us a vision. We salute you, we love you, will miss you.
Sir is no more.....its so painful to accept...but as you said sir....truth may be cruel....but truth will triumph..... Nava Nalanda will win every battle, Nava Nalandans will win every war.....its a promise and we are confident because we a emboldened with the vision that you gave

MAY HIS SOUL REST IN PEACE

Choosing slumdog for today....

HMMM...as I said on the very inception.....I would rather find blogging somewhat avoidable after a few days.....and I suppose that time has ultimately arrived...
Lolzzz...not to take seriously
actually I do go through some sort of bankruptcy at times and get totally confused about what to write....still thinking what to say....friends?....love?.....parents?....my self?....study?
hohohoho....believe me the last one probably I will never discuss....my mom says....every thing goes fine with me save study...

Well lots of meaning less chats 'n' all. I would rather feel comfortable to make a mesh of various things that are coming to me at the moment....
Slumdog won Oscars....Sri Lankan players attacked in Lahore....India gearing up finally for the perliamentary polls....possibly no connections ...but Im busy thinking (Suppose you all know that I have this extraordinary bad habit of thinking when I have nothing else to do)...
So then Slumdog getting Oscars?
"selling India's poverty and earning millions"----so many are of this opinion
Ofcouse come on India is no way only Dharavi.....shopping malls, multiplexes,6-digit pay cheques...all are now a part of "BHARAT NIRMAN" ( giggle giggle)...Dharavi is still there as a huge, burning dot on the face of "SHINING INDIA" (giggle again)......
Yes Dharavi continues to be the largest slum in Asia....and its a story of the inhuman, unspeakable life that these slum dwellers....The children there, their childhood completely devoid of basic education, proper nutrition, sanity or anything that a normal human existence can demand. If India can afford there slums coexisting with the sky scrappers, then why would anyone have the problem with anyone portraying them?
Is it that the director Mr. Boyle is just a white skinned?...British?...Westerner?
well...its true, India for western perception is still a land of snake charmers and miracles where tigers roam about on the streets in broad day light.....but thats for common ley man....i suppose not for the Academy award jury???...or even if it is, the film may have some what matched their anticipation, or rather taste about how India is pictured
But is it all made up story?...
Its more than a tribute to Indian cinema....I mean i dont know how far it is an international acknowledgement of Indian film
except Rahman....the semi-God of sort of our times...and me being a blind fan of his....is over-over joyed with his winning...he is tremendous.....
Otherwise its an eye opener.....under the reeling effects of some long overthrown colonization, west is still the best for us.....so let a westerner open our eyes and let him show us hoy much of a Hoax are these SHINING-BUILDING advertisements, the govt puts up before every elections.
some day may be these slums will cease to exist and India will surely develop and only that day probably a film depicting a child suffering from dyslexia will be counted a worthy picture of India's problems.....may be....

Yet another ... Will I ever learn?

Yes....yet again i have manages to lose a friend....and definitely this time not because I was responsible.
I actually don't know whom to blame for the fiasco....but I lost ---that's the u;ultimate outcome.
Its interesting......just in the afternoon we met and had lunch together a enjoyed lot....but by evening I was out of his circle.

No,....not this time I mistook and jeopardized the identities altogether.....He was a friend....a good one.....some good moments of chatting....a day at Book fair...and that's it. I have learnt how not to make some one too close to be able to hold on and thereby invite pains.So distance....the secured, protected distance was there.
But my Question lies elsewhere.....why should I have to lose a friend just because of some bull-shit???
the objection was why we met and had lunch....and the out come?...well......really I have no answer....this is rediculous....this is absolutely crap.
I will not keep silent......everything should have a limit.......
dhusss....ar likhbo na...mood 0ff lagche....

Eternal Bangal-Ghoti Tussle

East Bengal defeated Mohun Bagan by 3-0 in today's match. Good. I being a supporter of EB was really overjoyed with this...and there were some leg pulling going on among the friends....teasing the MB fans and all. But suddenly it took a different turn and gave the total aspect a different colour altogether. There were some views, thrown to us.....Kolkata's problems roots from all these East Bengalis who came over from the other side of Bengal and all.

Some questions suddenly occurred to my mind. I discussed the plight of the Mother Language day in this part of Bengal. To be true, negligence that we find is all the same in both the BANGAL and GHOTI camp. But even then, while we dream that we are now Indian Bengalis, the bifurcated, truncated existence still exists !!!

At the stroke of midnight, with the magic wand in their hand the political leaders turned the home land of a huge number of people into a foreign country. India was divided, Bengal partitioned into two, And hundreds and thousands from the eastern part of the divide had fled to this part just for security. Because suddenly their neighbours, who belonged to some other religion turned their foe and the land became a foreign land....where if they wished to visit next time would require a VISA. Can any one feel the pain of the rootlessness? These folks were uprooted and shifted....they had their home, their life, their stories, their culture, their identity buried there in the ruthless turn of history and had to search for a new home. And even if they could not cope up, they had to make themselves believe that the new place, this very Kolkata, so different from Dhaka...was their home. Its is not their fault. Neither it is something that they could do anything to. They were forced to....and then if all the time they were made responsible for all the trouble.....how had they felt can well be understood.

Prof. Krishna Sen, the other day, while discussing Amitava Ghosh's The Shadow Lines was saying..."..its like a fairy tale where the hero is suddenly made into frog or this or that.....some people who were Indian were suddenly made Pakistanis....made "udbastus"....But the fact remains, political history may connote this change of identity....but that can never be true for the man himself.....I mean....its a psychological process and with a signature on the dotted lines how can some one else change me into a completely different self?"

Its true...those people left their land, mansions and all the wealth and were forced into the innumerable shanties that came up.... friends...I belong to such a family and have been nourished by endless such stories.....will you please understand one day that we are Indians too?....these "outsiders" have enriched West Benglal's culture, have added values to its systems, have taken part in the administration and have finally mingled into the mainstream to such an extent that....the way they rejoice in India's glory is no means less than you guys....

East Bengal is just a name...you have a problem with why still east?....do you ever question why our state is still called West?....Its a name...just demarcating a painful history in Bengal...true for both 'you' and 'us'. EB is an Indian team...and we all are Bengalis....dear.....we are you and you are us....

Hangover remains...miss my friends

Thoreau gave us his idea about the relationship between friendship and trust in his "Friendship" - "true friendship is based on trust, honesty and sincere generosity of our hearts."

In my opinion, faith and trust build up sincere friendship, and trust is the cornerstone to friendship. I believe that the unique approach to good friendship is trust. However, it is easy said than done. Sometimes, when I argue with my friends, we hurt each other by saying: "you don't deserve my trust", and we lose the trust of the other side. The irrational thinking leads to the consequences of breaking up the friendship.

Since I realized that friendship is built on mutual trust and mutual understanding, I have the sense of a crisis on the friendship with my friends when I find that we lack trust between us. Sincere friendship is like our health. Only when we lost it can we realize how valuable it is. Trust and understanding are very important to friendship. Where there are no trust and understanding, there is no true friendship. Sincere friendship is healthy, which is built on mutual trust and on the basis of mutual understanding.
Nowadays, friendship has the high degree of vulnerability, in the face of money, promotion, social reputations, etc. However, it is the treasure that we need to cherish. We should let the bridge of friendship be broad, smooth, and strong. The bridge is mutual trust.
Different people have different kind of friendship, and the fruit of the tree of friendship is called trust. The fruit is only for the person who irrigates the tree of friendship. Friendship needs nourishment: some nourish it with money, some with sweat, and some even with blood. So, friendship seems very greedy, and it will not be satisfied with material things.
Nevertheless, friendship is the most simple for us to get, the easiest and the most extravagant nutrition is trust. Sometimes friendship is so fragile. A casual remark will cause the collapse of the building of friendship between us. Why? It is because that the friendship of that kind lacks the steel frame of trust. How to build mutual trust with each other? Friends should share opinions and passions. After watching an movie, there is exchanging of views among the friends, showing what they love and dislike. This is the first step.With mutual understanding growing between friends, they can entrust each other to do something. This is out of trust. It is usually the case: when you want to entrust an important thing to your friends, you would think about this question "can I trust him?" When you are thinking this way, you can never find mutual trust with your friends. Trust is out of mutual understanding. As Mencius said, "It is good to become acquaintances, but it is better to know each other. It is the best to know other by heart." If you know your friends well by heart, you can trust him or her. You can understand each other well, and you know what can be trusted to your friends. It requires emotional distillation of moral development.

Interpersonal communication must be proper, no promiscuity friends. When you find your heart-to-heart friend, you find the trust between you and your friends. Friendship is mutual. If you offer your trust, you will gain trust from your friends. Trust is based on principles of friendship as well. You must adhere to the principles to tell the right from the wrong. Without this principle, there is no real trust for a healthy friendship. I cherish the hard-won friendship, and try to make the friendship lasting for a life time.

When chatting in public, you'd better not to disclose your friends' privacy when the topics are about privacy.This is something which I think I failed miserably.....making people close made me trade the wrong path of delving more than necessary into their private space. Do not use it to seek help and comfort. Since it is a trust, we must guard against the privacy of our friends in public exposure. You should not betray the trust of friends. Your attitude of friends should always be humble, and listen to your friends carefully when talking with them.

...Sometimes, tolerance is a magic power to establish trust with your friends....dont know whom to blame in this space for the collapses...

All in all, trust is the corner stone of good friendship, which needs mutual efforts and mutual understanding.

My language ... My Identity

International Mother Language Day....today is the day that the people over the world celebrate their language....their identity. It is the language that primarily shapes one's identity....and that's why a French is a French, an English is an English and I am, like innumerable others, a Bengali.
And 21st February definitely brings me a bit more pleasure, a bit more pride.....once it was said what Bengal thinks today.....the whole India thinks tomorrow.....twisting that a bit....what Bengalis thinks today, the world follows. Bengalis fought for the prestige of their mother language and that has ushered in this concept of celebrating the language.
But , to be frank....this is the day which associates a lot of other things for me....and that pains, that makes me ashamed...
It dates back to 1952....prior to that India earned her independence at the cost of partition and my Bangla was bifurcated on the religious lines...no I have never seen what then was East Pakistan and now Bangladesh. But heard a lot....from my grandmom, my father and so many other relatives...."with the magic wand in their hand, the leaders at the stroke of midnight made my home a foreign country", used to say my grand mom. What ever....then East pakistan and West Pakistan were formed...and in 1952 when the Pakistani government decided to make Urdu the national language, East Pakistan burst in a huge uproar....they speak Bangla....come on...they are Bengalis, they don't speak Urdu......while students were leading a silent march in Dhaka, the Pakistani military rained bullets on them and Rafiq-Barkat-Salim-Jabbar laid down their lives on the streets....just to keep the prestige of their mother language...which is none other than very much my own Bangla....
The Pakistani government was forced to make Bangla a national language jointly with Urdu...but the fire was far from over.....it ultimately catapulted into Mukti-Yuddha....ushering in a new country....named after my language..Bangladesh.
today while the whole world celebrate as mother language day......Bangladesh celebrate this as a day that marks the victory of their language, a day that marked their identity on the face of this earth. But its is painful, but true.....we are also Bengalis...on this side....but we celebrate this day almost as a ritual.....and just as a part of the whole other world....
Did the fight only established 'their' fight and identity?....is it not the language of 'us' too?...Its a shame that even so few of our people know about this day......
I am proud to be an Indian...I love my country for its vivacity...and for its "unity in diversity"....and never mean that we ought to be in the other side....though often I question ....what if there was no question of this OTHER? Today Bengalis in West Bengal has become a part of the conglomerated identity.....the Bengalis next door became "others" while all others became our own....and though this is not a fact that I rue...but has made us even lesser interested in our roots. The truncated identity seems to have made its way out through adopting a cosmopolitan culture....but what is alarming is that...it has resulted in the utter negligence of the root. Today we speak "Benglish"....or "Benghindi"....our parents takes enormous pride in the fact that "my ward is so fluent in Hindi and English...but his Bengali is so poor...but then that would even help".....I find knowing Bengali less than Hindi or English is a matter of great status impetus. So "Amar Ekushe" (eternal 21st) has just boiled down to a phrase that comes and goes away for the Bengalis on this side....after all it was 'they' who fought and that can never be 'our' history.....what if that was for the very language i speak.....linguistically we all are Bengalis....but by some bifurcating "shadow line", as perhaps Amitava Ghosh would have said.....we are never a united race...we are truncated,.....and for us 21st become a ritual to sing "amar bhaiyer rokte rangano ekushe february, ami ki bulte pari"....for 'them' it is all abut making the whole world know that Bangla lives and they live Bangla...

Politics first...We are CU

Its a shame on the face of Bengal's education system. Its a shameless testimonial how the ruling CPM has mastered its grip on every educational institutions in the state. Its proves how far the ruling party and its back boneless supporters can stoop as even stall the admission procedure of a student. His fault?...well.....he dares to defy the ruling party.....Ashish Samanta....He is an AIDSO worker....the student wing that is known for its relentless struggle against the misdeeds of the ruling party.

Ashish Samanta got admitted to the University for certificate course in French language for 2006-07. He passed the exam getting 69% marks. He further got admitted to the diploma course for 2007-08 session. He passed it again with a whopping 65% marks. But there lies the actual story. During this time he got involved in the campus politics and joined AIDSO, which is the main opposition in the SFI controlled CU students' council. And things turned sour henceforth. There were only 3 students in the diploma course and the university took abnormally long 9 months to publish the results!!! And when this poor guy went to take admission for further study, pre-MA that is....he was denied on the ground that admission procedure was already over.
Now....is this what is expected from one of the oldest institutions of the country?
the questions that arises
1. how the admission procedures can end even if the results of the previous standard are not out?
2. whose responsibility is it....that the results came out so late?
they bask in their 150 years of glory....but does that lie in denying a successful student his rightful claim to get admission?
shame...to be frank I feel short of words to condemn this callous act on part of the university
but then what more can be expected from them?
Its a place where from the chair professor to the chapraashi...all appointments are made on the basis of CPM recommendation.....educational qualification hardly counts....better you oil the "communist" leaders...better you are placed....more secured you would be. Its probably the greatest curse....these dumb, callous, good-for-nothing people get their jobs using their connections...and after getting through, the only thing they are concerned with is how to earn more...that they are working in an educational institution....that fate of hundreds and thousands of youth depends on them......are they the least bothered?....they are assigned with one task--change the University into another party office and they devote their time and endeavor in doing that with aplomb....I feel dumb stuck to describe.....mammoth uphill crime these people are committing....they are human?...they pose to be human makers?.....its a pity that we call them teachers....we rely on them....we are made to.....even its not enough to vent out the anger...these people will receive severe thrashing one day...but I doubt if even that would penetrate deep into their skin....after all they are "Marxists"....they must have satisfied the criteria of not having a mind, a brain and a back bone before they bagged the job
Added to this was the SFI hooligans...they boast of being the torch bearer of students' development and solution deliverer in any problem....when the opposition backed students were protesting against these faults, they were manhandled by the SFI goons and the meeting was vandalized.
what I deeply feel...they can sense that end has come.....with back stuck in the wal...they have no more lies to deliver and make people to believe....and their last resort is to snip the opposition at any cost...physical assult or stalking further studies...shame shame....shame on CPM and shame on SFI....change or WB will change the guard.